There’s always the exception though……
As I warned you in my introduction blog, I am probably going to have more than one entry about missing my husband! Well, this is also true of my facebook status. I’m a pretty open book, always have been, and I’m not too good at hiding my feelings – sometimes that’s a good thing & sometimes that’s a bad thing. Either way, that’s just how I am. I have never been afraid to say what I’m thinking or feeling. My facebook status is as random as I’m sure my blog will be. I don’t feel like I talk only about my husband, but he is a HUGE part of my life so yes I do talk about him a good bit. In fact, I’m not even going to try & explain myself about how often I talk about him because even if every single status I wrote was about him, isn’t that MY right? Isn’t it MY facebook? I wasn’t aware that there were rules on what I could and couldn’t post….well, apparently SOMEBODY feels different.
I got an email from a fellow Army wife on our post today (who will remain un-named) that said she was “sooooooo tired” of me & anybody else talking about how much we love and miss our “hubbies”. She went on to explain how she has it so much worse than I have it because she doesn’t have kids to keep her busy & also she has it harder because they are newly married & have spent more time apart than together. She told me to “pull it together” and stop being weak because I am older than a lot of the other new wives & when I say I am missing my husband not only do I look bad but that I also make him look bad?????? Really? I’m confused……
I never realized that having a solid relationship with your husband & admitting you missed him made you weak. In fact, I think that being secure enough in yourself to not be afraid to open up & say how you feel is a strength. I can guarantee you my husband doesn’t have a doubt in his mind that I love him & miss him, and I’m proud that he can lay his head down every night knowing that I am 100% behind him no matter how far away he is. Yes, I have my bad days where I post how much I’m missing him or how hard it is, but all in all I feel like I’m handling this pretty well under the circumstances, if I do say so myself!
Now, I’m sure A LOT of my facebook friends (even the ones who won’t admit it) probably do roll their eyes a little when they see ANOTHER post from me about how much I love my soldier & how much I miss him. WIth that being said, not a single one of them has ever had the nerve to write me & tell me I need to stop. They get the fact that it is MY facebook and MY status. If they don’t want to hear about it, they don’t have to read it. They can even hide me or delete me. That would be ok with me. I’m just trying to figure out how another Army wife who is going through the same thing I am could feel like she has it so much worse & that nobody else has the right to talk about their husband or even be sad every once in a while?
I myself see statuses all the time from civilian wives who are complaining about their husband working late or having to be gone on an overnight business trip and how awful it is. Do I write & tell them to stop complaining and get over it because I haven’t seen my husband in 3 months? No, I don’t. Why not? Because I know that we all have our problems & that even though it doesn’t seem like a big deal to me that her husband is working a couple of hours late, I know that to her it is a big deal. I know that because I’ve been there. Until we joined the Army, the few nights my husband did have to work late enough that he missed a kid’s ballgame or was too late to have dinner with us, I was upset. I wasn’t thinking about the fact that there are other families who have it worse or that there are a lot of husbands & daddies out there that won’t have dinner with their family for an entire year straight. LIving this life has taught me to count my blessings & appreciate the things I do have more than the things I don’t have, but I still don’t try to minimize what other people are going through or feel like I’m the only one allowed to have bad days. We each have our own unique situations in life and you can’t lose compassion for other people because of the things you are going through.
If I wanted to play her game, I could tell her no, I have it way worse because I DO have kids to take care of & so not only am I sad because I’m missing my husband but I also have to see my little girl cry because she misses her daddy. I have to see my son sad because it’s yet another ballgame his dad won’t be at. I could also try to convince her that I have it so much worse because we aren’t newlyweds like she is & that we were married for so long before the Army that I was used to always having my husband by my side, that we have been life partners for so long that I’m not sure how to do it all on my own without him. I COULD say all that but I never would because I don’t think this is a contest to see who has it worse…..I think we ALL have it hard and that deployments are not any fun for anybody. Instead of trying to tear eachother down, we should be there for one another as we are all just trying to do the same thing – be the best wife we can be & stay strong for our family until this is all over. I am so very thankful that the majority of the wives I know share my feelings on this.
- dedicated to all my true friends who put up with my whining & still love me! You know who you are =)
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